On a memorable day in my career as a United States Customs Officer, I was asked this question by a female administrative aide:

How many inspectors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Now tell the truth, how would you have answered that question? I know that the aide meant to say replace a light bulb, but that’s not what she said—she asked how many it would take to screw in a light bulb—a rather significant difference in the query, wouldn’t you say? The politically correct answer is two inspectors—one to hold the light bulb and another to turn the inspector holding the bulb.

My answer? I told her that two could do the job, but it would have to be a really large light bulb.

And no, she did not file an employee grievance charging sexual harassment—she and I were, and had been for many years and still remain, close personal friends—so there!

Okay, have you recovered from the sidesplitting laughter engendered by that joke?

If so, here is the second classic joke—I won’t disclose its source on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me:

A female asked this question: Have you ever tried to nap while a crew of roofers hang and bang? I know what the lady meant, but she left a listener with two choices of the meanings of hanging and banging.

My answer: It would depend on the location of the roofers while they were ganging and banging, and also where you were at the time. Were they on the roof or in the house? If they were on the roof and you were in the house, sleep for you would be difficult. If both they and you were in the house, I should think that sleep for you would be impossible—but of course I could be wrong.

Please don’t hate me too much for these puerile writings.

I can’t help it—it’s in my nature.

Besides, I’m trying to make a minimum of one posting per day, and this one qualifies for today. Check it out—today is the 12th of September and this is my 12th posting of the month.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!