Consumer Reports: Movie-theater food – scary!

16 Feb

In the interests of full disclosure, I do not view movies in movie theaters. Not at matinees, not in the evenings, not with discounted tickets, not with gift cards and absolutely not with money from my limited stash of cash. I view movies on television and enjoy them immensely, and I will continue to view them and enjoy them immensely as long as possible.

Should I lose my eyesight, I will enjoy movies on television by listening, and should I lose that sense I will wait—impatiently—until 3-D television with a hands-on feature is perfected and then I’ll simply handle movies on television. With bated breath I will wait for the industry to develop hands-on television, with the fervent hope that the Playboy Channel will be among the first to develop and broadcast first-run films featuring HanzOn 3-D. Note: The word show could have been used instead of broadcast, but the term broadcast was too tempting—hee, hee, hee.

I repeat—I do not view movies in movie theaters. I’m providing my readers—those that attend movie theaters—something to mull over before they patronize the refreshment stands in the theater. Consumer Reports has kindly permitted me to share this report on movie theater food.

Click here for the ConsumerReports video and the full narrative—enjoy!

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it—with assistance from Consumer Reports, of course.


Posted by on February 16, 2012 in fast food, Humor, television


Tags: , , , , , ,

6 responses to “Consumer Reports: Movie-theater food – scary!

  1. Larry

    February 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Hands-On 3D TV! An H.G. Wells kind of vision for the future. Reach out and touch someone!

    • thekingoftexas

      February 16, 2012 at 5:35 pm

      Hi, Larry – I really like your slogan, “Reach out and touch someone.” When Hanzon 3-D is perfected that line will probably be the Alpha and Omega of the system’s first commercial, aired at half-time at the Super Bowl for that year, just as was done by Apple, and look how it took off! The lines will be voiced by an undulating beauty wearing a teeny-weeny bikini, little more than two band-aids and a cork.

      Thanks for visiting and thanks for the comment. I trust that you and yours are well and thriving. Stay safe.

  2. sue

    February 16, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    oh dear I love the movie theater movies I am not much for watching movies on TV. I keep thinking we have less and less in common. i will reply to your question at some point. Sue

  3. Barbara Garneau Kelley

    February 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Dear King:
    I’m not surprised about the movie theater food, but am shocked it is so bad. I will join you in solidarity, I don’t go to movies either. It has been about 12 years since I did so. No desire. They’ll hit TV sooner or later. I thought we were the last ones of earth. Our son doesn’t care for them either — he would rather be running, jumping, and tree climbing in the fresh air then sitting in a dark room that smells like buttered popcorn in a seat for two hours. Thanks for the good nutirition info.

    • thekingoftexas

      April 5, 2012 at 8:27 pm

      Hi, Barbara,

      Thanks for visiting and thanks for the comment. Apparently great minds obviously flow in similar channels in that we both have resisted movie theaters for twelve years. However, I haven’t really favored movies since they closed all the drive-in theaters. They were great for young people and families with young children. The young people didn’t have to worry about red lights flashing in the dark, and families could roll up the windows and let the children cry and scream themselves to sleep.

      When Debra was a toddler we sometimes took in drive-in movies in Montgomery, Alabama in the years 1952 through 1955. Janie would make a pitcher of iced tea and slice up a tomato and we could buy 10 hamburgers for one dollar, believe it or not. They were miniscule in size compared to the giant burgers of today, but were much easier to eat—no pink slime in the meat, and no stuff dripping into one’s lap ever time a bite was taken. The buns were small, and the only addition to the meat was a miniscule spot of mustard or ketchup, and we added the tomato slices.

      Oh, those were the good old days!

  4. thekingoftexas

    February 28, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Once I outgrew my love for cowboy movies and detective films, I rarely went to the movies. My wife and I used to attend the first showings, usually just before lunch, but we stopped that a bit more than 12 years ago, after she started the first of several chemotherapy treatments. Her doctors advised her to avoid crowds, so we put movies on our list to avoid, even though we often had almost the entire theater to ourselves. Her rationale was that “They may not be here now, but they’ve been here.”

    Thanks for visiting, and thanks for the comment.


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